19 a

im so sorry i took so long! bas wala a lot has been happening and anyways i love u all im very sorry! w embarak 3alekum elshahar :* im so excited rmathan is finally here! :*



Woah. did she just say Madam Dalya? that has to mean shes married right? but shes not wearing a ring or anything! she looks dirty. how can SHE be married?

you all probably automatically thought Dalya, navy porcshe, maroon interior = barrak right? you see, when youre in a position that i was in, meaning i was completely scared/shocked and i was weak and vulnerable, you dont have the brains to put things together, therefore, all the coincidences didnt click in my head at the time. i didnt assume it was THE Dalya.

"We3 my fiance is busy, just give me your number w we will call you." and she took out her phone and waited for me with all her weight on one hip

I listened, and gave her my number, and she got in the car and drove away.

I just stood there, confused. So much has happened these past few days. i didnt know what was going on with anything! i just got back in my range and drove home.

When i got home, i called 7amoud because he must have freaked out. i had hundreds of missed calls from him. he was so worried when i talked to him. it felt good that someone cared. i really needed him. we talked for about 25 minutes about school and random stuff.

when we shut the phone, i just sat in my room thinking. honestly, just thinking about barrak. what was going on? was my baby okay? what would i do if he wasnt? Just then, my phone rang.

a strange number. like i mentioned, i dont usually answer strange numbers, however, i answered, hoping it was barrak.

"..." i never talk first when weird numbers call me

"Alo?" it was a girl. damn. why do i always get my hopes up?

"Hi, meno?" she didnt sound like a girl i knew. she sounded like her nose was blocked or like she was speaking out of her nose. she sounded like a dalou3a.

"Ma3ach Dalya Al R" Oh. the girl from the accident!

"Oh hi" i didnt want to speak to her, i wasnt up to discussing another thing that i messed up. the first being barrak, the second, the accident. yes, i believed that i had done something to make barrak leave. even though he didnt actually leave me per say.

"Hi, listen here is my fiance, he will talk to you and deal with this ok? bas hatha raqmy so if you need anything else you call me ok?" 7aram she really was nice. but it felt, at the moment, that she feared giving her fiance my number to call me because she thought we would like fall in love or something. haha.

"Um... okay" the faster he gets on the phone, the faster i get off.

"Alo?" the guy was coughing so i couldnt clearly hear his voice

"Isalam 3alaikum" i said, trying to be polite and make it seem like we were going to have a full-on arabic conversation.

"Uh uh.. uh.." he didnt say anything but that. i was confused. did i say it wrong ya3ny? in the background i heard his Dalya say "SHFEEK KALEMHA" and then he did. "3alekum esalam"

Oh my god. my whole world just came crashing down. "Barrak?"


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im so sorry its short but im a bit busy today! i'll post a very long part b i promise!
as for you Mariam w Rawan, your little messages you sent me, lovely, thanks. and thanks for reading my blog. and how about, you respect yourselves and dont use such trashy language next time? but then again, what should i expect from people as trashy as you two.

*

You all love me 9a7? (a) sorry I haven't posted bas I've been in the musteshfa because fahood sawa 7adeth... Bas el7amdila he's ok now, w enshala ill post either tonight or tomorrow night. Sorry :*

18 b

so i had already told my parents and fahood that i was going to stay in kuwait. of course fahood was extremely happy. he didnt want me to leave because im "his baby sister w mai 9eer i live alone" hes so funny wala.

i fell asleep that night and i kept thinking about what could possibly be so wrong that he had to go to london on such short notice and i fell asleep with that thought in my head.

i was so worried about him. i thought someone had died or something had happened. i thought about the worst case scenarios and freaked myself out. i went to school the next morning with my puffy eyes and swollen face and i didnt feel well at all. he was like my medicine, my air, without him, i would always feel like shit. i walked into school dreading everyones eyes because it was obvious that i barely slept and that i was crying all night and all morning.

while i walked in, it was the first time in about 3 or 4 years that i wasnt holding my caramel machiatto or my panini. that meant, to those people who knew me well enough, that i was in the shittiest mood possible.

Mariam. she walked up to me and looked at me from up to down. "Noora eshfeech?" she asked, trying to make it seem like she cared but she was cold. she would never be the same maryoom to me. "enshala everything is ok with barrak?" was this her way of torturing me?

i gave her the nastiest stare i could concoct and walked away without saying a word. the whole day at school was like that, people asking me what was wrong and me running to the bathroom crying. it had only been one night. what was wrong with me? i think it was just the fact that i was really worried about him and thought something bad had happened to him.

when the day was over, i headed towards my car and i found a note on the window. it was typed up on red paper and said: Dont worry, be happy, im fine.

i smiled. i assumed it was from barrak so thats why i smiled. because of that note, i didnt cry the whole rest of the day. i kept calling his phone but it was off. but it was okay because he said he was fine.

for the whole week of school, i didnt hear from him and i was okay because of that note. however, i realized that 7amoud wasnt at school that whole week either. so i asked his younger brother for his number and i called him.

"Noora?"

"Eshdarak?" i was confused. no guy knew my number.

"Wild guess, eshlounech?" he seemed okay

"good you? where have you been? schools not the same without you. is everything okay?" i have to admit, 7amoud was a sweetheart and still is. ill get to his story when im done with mine. i was worried about him. he always made my school days happy.

"Yeah im fine, i was just food poisoned but im good now. didnt you get my note?" he laughed.

"what note?" i was confused. i didnt get a note from him.

"the one my brother put on your car! the red one! i know red your favorite color, plus it looked pretty with the color of your car" and he laughed. the note was from him? so it wasnt from barrak? barrak wasnt the one that was fine? i cried. on the phone, right then, while i was driving home, i cried. i shut the phone in his face and put my head down on the steering wheel, without even thinking about the fact that i was driving.

CRASH. i bumped into a navy porsche in front of me. i started crying even more. it was such a scary experience. i could have killed someone! i was so careless. wait a minute. navy porsche? wasnt that one of barrak's cars? i couldnt remember the plate number but i knew that he had maroon interior and a red crayon mark on his glove compartment from his little cousin. i had to make sure. i got out of my car and the woman i had hit got out of hers.

guess what? maroon interior and i wasnt quite sure, but i thought i saw the red crayon mark.

the woman looked filthy. not the filthy where she doesnt shower, but the filthy where her clothes are 2 sizes too small for her, her eye liner is thick enough to make her eyes disappear, and her hair was puffed to the maximum and was very dark black with random blonde highlights in between. and even though it was puffed, it looked oily and dirty.

"ABAY! HATHA MU SAYARTI ! ESHFEECH INTAI MATSHOUFEEN?" you know the girls that talk like they're trying to sound girly but its not working for them? thats how she sounded. the only thing that was going through my head was, who the fuck is she and why is she driving barrak's car?

"Sorry i didnt see you, i'll pay for the damages" i dont know why i spoke in english but i did.

"Wee no3ech english school? La mu 3an the money, i will pay, aham shay you are okay?" she was nice, which was ironic because all i wanted to stuff her head into a burger and give it to a lion. she pulled out her phone and dialed a number and i just watched her.

"Alo? 7abeeby! 7abeeby adree enik mash'3ool bas wa7da d3matney w im driving your porsche" she made her voice sound like she was an innocent little 5 year old. hmph. dalou3a. "Wee sorry i thought you were sir. tell him madam Dalya calling and i make accident in mishref"

18 a

i couldnt sleep all night. all i did was cry and think of ways to tell barrak, and i came up with one.

the next morning around 11, barrak called me and told me he was outside and to take his phone out to him. so i did. i went out in fahood's black abercrombie training pants and a gray tee-shirt. my eyes were puffy and red, so it showed i had been crying, and my lips were chapped and puffy. basically, i looked like shit. i looked like i was mourning the death of a loved one.

i walked outside and the smile on his face automatically was wiped away. he looked frightened. okay gelna i look bad, but really? that bad? (that was my pathetic attempt to make a joke by the way haha)

he leaned over the passenger seat and opened the door of his range so i could get in, and i did. he didnt say a word, he just drove off and handed me my iced caramel machiatto. i put it back in the cup holder and handed him his phone. my hands were shaking.

"shfeech noora 7abeebty?" he seemed concerned.

"barrak. i want to ask you once and i want complete honesty" i said while trying not to cry. the trying part didnt really work. i bursted into tears.

he parked the car at this abandoned looking parking lot for a 7okoma school and stared at me. he reached for my hand but i moved it away.

"barrak, menu rou7y?" and i cried even more. the look on his face was like he was heartbroken. but, so was i. who was this rou7y?

"ok i lied. rou7y is my ex girlfriend. she was a rebound after dalya passed away and since then, she never left me alone. she didnt understand that we broke up. but wala, i cant get rid of her. khalas 7abeebty, i will change my number ok?" and he reached for my hand a kissed it.

i believed him. it seemed logical. he never gave me a reason to doubt him. we drove around for an hour or two and by then it was 1 pm and we were both hungry. so we went to the mcdonalds drive through and got lunch. i told him to drop me off because i still had some studying to do before school the next day.

he dropped me home and asked me if he could come pick me up tomorrow and drop me to school. cute right? i agreed and went upstairs to study. wow, i was almost graduating. there was 2 months left of school, and then it would be off to boston. i forgot to mention that i got accepted there!

i havent told barrak yet that i was going to university in boston and i didnt know how he would react. so i decided to tell him that night after i finished studying.

around 9 PM, barrak called me.

"finished studying?"

"yeah i just finished, um, barrak, i need to talk to you about something" i didnt know how he would react, i just assumed we would do long distance or since he was going to propose, he would come with me and do his masters.

"ok?" he seemed scared, like he expected bad news or something

"i got accepted into the university i wanted to go to in boston" i said it with the biggest smile on my face.

"no" he was cold and serious.

"what do you mean no?" i was confused. that didnt even make sense.

"no, you are not going to boston. i am going to get engaged to you and we are staying in kuwait. you can go to KU, you got accepted there, and you can go to GUST or AUK or ACK. take your pick. but no, you are not going to boston" he was mad.

"but i really want to go. ive wanted to go there since i was a kid. my parents both graduated from there and"

he cut me off. "intai ma tifhimen? i said no"

"fine" he crushed my dreams. but atleast he would be mine, so boston was nothing when compared to being with my baby.

the next morning, he picked me up and we headed to starbucks. he didnt let me go down to get the drinks, so i waited in his car. he came back 10 minutes later with my panini and caramel machiatto. while we were driving to school, we started talking.

"Noora, today im going to buy a new number" he was happy and so was i

"Good, thank you 7abeeby" i kissed his cheek, we had reached school and i got out of the car.

Typical school day, i hung out with 7amoud and some random girls, but the whole time i was messaging barrak. around 12 pm, i get a message from a random number. it was SUCH A NICE NUMBER. it was xyxxxxx. the message was written in arabic and said : Hala bil Katkoota, mumken net3araf?

i laughed so hard, but i didnt reply. after school, barrak picked me up and i told him about the weird number while laughing so hard i was about to pee in my pants.

"Call the number" he told me

"Okay, but you talk! im putting it on speaker because i want to hear what kind of loser would write that!"

it was ringing and nobody was picking up until like the 7th ring, barrak pulls up his phone and picks up. i assumed he had a call or something. at the same time, the weird loser freak person picked up.

"BARRAK TALK TALK TALK!" i loudly whispered. he motioned for me to talk myself so i did.

"Alo meno?"

"Hala 7abeebty" it was barrak

i shut the phone and gave him the death stare. "NOT COOL" and he cracked up laughing.

he dropped me home and i went upstairs to take a nap.

i woke up with a message from him saying: 7abeebty, im going to london for 10 days. i wont have my phone. im sorry. i will explain later.

WHAT? ;/ 10 days without him? what was happening? i was so confused. i called his phone and it was off.

17 b

"but how?" i asked him. i didnt know what to do.

he pushed my head down towards his penis and pulled his boxers down. "put your mouth there, and keep trying to go deeper" so, as much as i regret it, i did as i was told until he came.

when we were done with that, we cleaned up and were really tired so we fell asleep, with his arms around me. we slept until around 6 PM and when we woke up, we were starving so we ordered papa johns pizza. my favorite. his too. and we watched a movie. we didnt talk about what happened, but i felt dirty. i felt like i was worthless, like i was trash. how could i have done that?

barrak left my house around 8:30, before the maids and kumar came back, and i headed into the shower and spent an hour in there trying to make myself feel clean again. it didnt work. i got out of the shower, locked my room door and sat in the corner, in the dark, and cried my eyes out. after hours of crying, around 12 am, i realized that barrak hadnt called me yet. shit, i thought to myself, what if he thinks im a slut and he leaves me? what would i do? and i cried some more.

i decided to call him, maybe he was busy, he did mention that he was going to the dewaniya. i called and heard vibration from under my bed. that was weird. i shut and called again. this time i actually realized that he had left his phone at my house. so i looked under my bed and found it. it must have fallen when we fell asleep. he had 10 missed calls and 6 new messages. i wanted to check them so badly but i knew that he would find out. just as i was going to put his phone down, it rang. "ROU7Y;*" calling.

i didnt know what to do, should i answer? no, i decided not to. the rou7y person called 4 more times after that and he recieved 2 more messages which i assumed were from her as well. around an hour and lots of tears later, barrak called me from his friends phone.

"NOORO! 7ABEEBTY! MISSED ME?" he was happy to hear my voice, but i wasnt that happy

"barrak, menu rou7y?" khalas, i needed to know.

"ana rou7ech! 9a7?" he giggled. did he really not know what i meant? or was he playing stupid?

"barrak, wain telephonek?" i tried to be as calm as possible without crying

"i think i forgot it in the car lesh?" he panicked.

"la2, you forgot it in my room" i was talking in the most serious tone i had ever used with him

"oh" that was all he said

"barrak, whos rou7y? the girl that keeps calling your phone?"

"YOU ANSWERED?" he got mad. like he even had a reason to be mad! i was the one that should have been screaming! not him!

"la2" i said as coldly as i possibly could. im not good with being cold. it doesnt work for me.

"rou7y is my mother 7abeebty" he calmed down. his mother? i was so stupid! i cried because his mother called him? i felt so stupid, but for some reason, i didnt completely believe him. but i let it slide. and we shut the phone and he said he would come pick his phone up the next morning.

hours later, his phone rang again, and again, it was the rou7y number. i shouldnt have picked up, but i did.

"....." i just wanted to hear the voice to make sure that it was a woman old enough to sound like his mother.

"7abeeby wenik? im waiting for you bel she8a" WHAT THE HELL? INSHALA BA3AD HE TELLS ME THIS IS HIS MOTHER

"...." i was quiet again, only because i wanted to hear her say more.

"adree u are still mad at me because of yesterday, but i bought you a gift. red silk lingerie" at that moment, i felt like my world was spinning and like i was about to have a heart attack. i shut the phone in her face and sat down on my bed like a zombie. what was i going to do? i literally gave him everything except my virginity, and hes cheating on me with another girl?

the problem was that i couldnt call him and scream at him because:

a) his phone was with me

and b) he told me not to answer anyone

so i couldnt tell him anything. i had to come up with something else.

17 a

so that night, we had a very intense make out session. im sorry to those of you that dont want to read the details, you can just skip this part. but its important in order for you to know just how badly i loved him to the point where i would do anything he asked of me without a second thought.

i was sitting on his lap and he started pushing my shirt all the way up to my bra. i stopped kissing at him and stared right into his eyes. What was he thinking? did he really think i was that kind of girl? he had his hands under my shirt while it was pulled up and he started moving his fingers right below my bra strap and he kissed me on my neck. another long, beautifully passionate kiss on my neck and i was hooked. he looked at me and i nodded.

with that, he took my shirt off and began kissing me again. however this time, it was rough. it was like he had wanted me for so long that he couldnt believe it and just showed me how badly he wanted it. he laid me on the couch and he came on top of me. i felt the electricity go up and down my spine. i love him so much, i thought. and, like he said, we were going to get married.

he slipped my bra strap down my shoulder and started planting kisses right above my breasts but he never actually took my bra off or anything. he then placed his hand on top of my bra and felt my breast while he was kissing my neck. i dont know what it was, but something about him turned me on so much. i think it was just everything. he was perfect.

he sat up and pulled his shirt off and got back on top of me. his body was to die for. he had the six pack that people spend years trying to achieve and his whole body was just perfectly toned. the feeling of his bare chest on mine was a feeling that i dont think i will ever experience again. it was love. i know it was. not just love for his body, but love for the man that i was going to spend the rest of my life with.

after we made out for an hour or so, we sat up and just stared at each other.

"Noora, what would you love for me to do to you?" he asked in a very naughty way.

i was still very innocent and, remember, he was the first guy i had ever even given the time of day to. "i love it when you kiss my neck" i put my head down because that was so embarrassing to say! and without me even realizing, he leaned in and placed his lips on the side of my neck and left me in a daze for about ten minutes.

"Noora, you didnt ask me what i want" this time his voice sounded even naughtier. i expected him to say something like: i want you to kiss me because thats all we've basically done. but he didnt.

"what do you want 7abeeby?" i was so in love, at that moment, at that time, nothing in the world mattered as much as him.

he looked down at his pants and pointed down there "abee blowjob"

"im scared" i didnt know what to tell him. i wanted to make him happy. but, a blowjob? thats too much.

"no baby dont be scared, i'll guide you through it. Noora wain your room?" i pointed at the door of my bedroom and he picked me up and took me in there. he laid me down on the bed and jumped on top of me and started kissing me passionately all over my upper body, but he focused on the neck. he knew it turned me on.

then, he sat up and slipped his pants off. "ok?" he gave me a naughty look and sat down on the bed. "ta3alai sit next to me" and i did as i was told. "Noora, i want you to be my first everything. you were already my first love, i want you to be my first everything else" i nodded. "i want a favor" i nodded again. "itrideenee?" i shook my head, of course not. my baby wanted something, and i would give him whatever he wanted. he took my hand and placed it on top of his boxers.

i freaked out and moved my hand right away, only for him to reach for it and place it under his boxers this time. i could feel him. he was hard. not only could i feel it, but it showed. i liked the idea that i turned him on. it gave me confidence. he guided my hand up and down his penis slowly and when he tried to go faster, i moved my hand away.

"it wasnt that bad was it?" and he gave me a shy kind of sad look. i shook my head just because i wanted him to be happy. it wasnt that bad, it just wasnt something i wanted to do. you guys, take my advice, NEVER do what others want to do if youre not up for it. you WILL regret it.

"Noora, please?" and he pointed down there, so i gave him my hand back. "La2, abee your mouth" and he gave me a naughty look. i didnt know what to do. the most i knew about blowjobs was that the penis goes into the mouth. where do i sit? what do i do? la2 la2 this was too much. no way was i going to do this.

"Barrak...." i couldnt talk. as much as i hate to admit it, i was so turned on by him that night that i could barely talk.

"please?" i nodded. i was going to do whatever made him happy.

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im sorry you guys, i know you think im some kind of whore now, but it was out of my power. i couldnt help it. i was stupid and i regret it all. i fell for him hard and i couldnt say no to him. i was wrong and, please, if you have any mean or rude comments, save them because i already feel shitty enough about what happened.