random "Chris' diary"

i found this somewhere and it really touched me.. i wanted to share it with all of you..


It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm.

I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.
She said, "I miss you."
I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."
She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.
I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."

Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.

Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"
Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.

Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.

But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."

We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.

We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go.

She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."

With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.

She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."
I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"
I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"

I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain wouldl go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence.

I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."

She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.

She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.

23

I'm sooooooooooooo sorrrrryyyyyy that i toook so long to post but i was really depressed! :( Fahood is visiting me in boston now fa im happy :D and im gonna post :D and you all love me :$ especially identity :$ sa7? sa7? sa7? (a)
heres a long one for you guys! please comment :( wala it makes me so happy when people comment :$





"Noora. I became friends with Fahad, ukhoch and a3arf ubooch"

So what? shyabe?

"Either you stop talking to Barrak completely or im going to call your father and brother and let them know about the little hand job their daughter gave a certain guy"




Is he crazy? What is he thinking? He loves me and he wants my family to kill me?
WAIT. how the hell does he even know about that? it was one time! people make mistakes!

"Wh.. Wh.. What?" i was stuttering. First, i was in a strange place with a strange person who "loves" me in a strange way and knows random stuff about me. Second, he was threatening me and constantly screaming at me.

"Noora. Barrak isnt the guy you think he is. Ya3ny fakray feeha, You didnt even know that i convinced him to go after you. What do you really know about him? Did you know that all your gifts were actually from me? that bracelet on your arm and the car you drive, all from me. Theres more about him, but i just cant tell you." He was in the most serious tone i have ever heard.

"D..D..Dont lie! CHATHAB! 7DIK CHATHAB!" and he slapped me.

I have never in my life been slapped by anyone, let alone a strange man who SUPPOSEDLY LOVES ME. i started crying. no no, i was bawling. literally on the floor crying my heart out with all the sound effects.

"e7termay nafsech la athb7ech. law kalamte barrak mara thanya WALA, agoulich WALA akhale okhuch e3aref kil shay. KIL SHAY. qaleelet il adab" and with that, he walked out of the shaleh and left me there crying.

So many thoughts went through my head. Well its a good thing i changed my number isnt it?
While i was thinking, he came back. he entered with a smile on his face and a hand behind his back.

He was going to kill me, i felt it! i felt like there was a gun or a knife behind his back. Dont laugh. Wallah its so scary to be in a strange place with a stranger. have i mentioned how strange it was? well it was 100 times stranger and scarier.

"Noora, 7abebte, ana asef, bas wala akhaf 3alech" is he schizophrenic? maynoun? and with that, he moved his hand from behind his back and he had a huge red bag "this is for you, to make up for what just happened" he handed me the bag but i didnt reach for it. "Noora, take the bag, im sorry, please?" i dont know why, but i felt bad for him, he actually seemed sympathetic and his apology seemed pure. "Open it"

So i did and my frown literally turned upside down. First, there was a Mcdonalds bag, and a starbucks bag and then what seemed like a little light blue bag and a bright red wig. "Whats this for?" i asked, i was really confused. honestly, how funny is this?

"Well awalan, i know your favorite two meals are from mcdonalds and starbucks so i didnt know which one you felt like eating so i got both. second, theres a surprise, and third, i know you have always wanted to dye your hair but your mother has never let you, so i guess a wig is the next best thing." he gave me, what i would call, the hottest smile i have ever seen in my life. and i couldnt help myself, i jumped up and hugged him.

i could tell that he was taken aback by my actions so i moved away "Sorry" i said, feeling ashamed.

"Lesh sorry? i have never been happier in my life then these past few seconds that i felt you hugging me" Okay, WOW. hes a lot nicer than i thought.

"IM STARVING! haha i need to eat!" so i ran towards my bag and picked up the mcdonalds one to see my big mac meal and began to dig into it. I completely forgot that he was there until i heard him chuckle. i looked up and he was dying trying not to laugh

"You dont want to share?" he asked me, still obviously trying to hide his laugh

"You dont want to take me back to my house?" i asked, giving him attitude, but jokingly. i started to like him,

he sat next to me, opened the starbucks bag and ate the halloum sandwich, completely disregarding my question

"Noora put on the wig!" he handed it to me and i fell on the floor laughing

"i wanted to dye my hair black not bright red silly!" and i put it on and we both laughed. i admit it, i was having fun with this stranger.

"Noora, theres still one more bag..." and he handed me the light blue tiffany's bag.